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Parental involvement in a student's residence abroad
From discussions with staff and students over a period of more than two years, it is apparent that parental concerns over their sons' and daughters' period of residence abroad are increasingly becoming an issue which needs to be addressed. This text refers to 'parents' but should be taken to include also guardians, partners and others.
In the autumn term of 1999, a significant number of students were interviewed in depth as part of their post-residence abroad debriefing and their views were sought on whether or not parents should be involved in the preparation and support aspects of the period of residence abroad, and if so to what extent. The majority responded that while they had needed and had greatly appreciated the moral and particularly the financial support of their parents in order to complete their stay abroad, their opinion matched that commonly found among staff, namely that the parental role should be one of constant support, without impinging on the growing independence and self-reliance of the student.
Parents should be mindful of the fact that their student sons and daughters are adults, and as such are, legally speaking, individuals with responsibility for their own actions. A high degree of parental involvement in their support and monitoring should not only be unnecessary, but is in fact undesirable if students are to gain maximum benefit from what is often an unprecedented opportunity for personal growth. The gains in personal maturity, self-reliance and confidence are apparent to staff who often comment that the students come back as different people. Students themselves recognise their own gains in confidence and maturity and refer to a great sense of achievement at meeting the range of challenges involved.
Quite apart from the personal benefits to students of being self-reliant in a foreign culture for a prolonged period, universities are often not in a position to deal directly with parents with concerns over their sons' or daughters' well-being or academic and social progress abroad. Where an institution is party to The Data Protection Act, this prevents placement tutors and other staff from discussing any aspect of an individual student's progress at home or abroad. Under the Act, a student's privacy is protected in exactly the same way as is that of any other individual, and hence staff are not at liberty to discuss a student's details with their parents.
At the same time, placement tutors and other staff are more than aware of the frustration this situation can cause parents. It is the students' responsibility to keep their parents informed of their well-being, progress and whereabouts, and to decide the level and nature of contact they will have with their families. Placement tutors routinely make this point at length during pre-placement briefings with students, and, indeed, this point is made under the relevant section of the advice to students on the RAPPORT website.
So what can a caring parent or guardian do?
- Working with your student son/daughter, find out - most easily from the RAPPORT website - what represents good residence abroad practice at a UK university. It is never too soon to do so.
- Compare practice at individual universities: again, the RAPPORT website provides a ready-made way of doing so.
- Understand what residence abroad entails, and what its objectives are.
- Understand that it is the individual who undertakes residence abroad, and that s/he will benefit most if s/he meets all the challenges on his/her own.
- Always be supportive: financial help will almost certainly be required, but almost more important is to show you have confidence in him/her to cope independently.
- Encourage him/her to keep in touch, and let you know how s/he is getting on.
- Especially in the early days, students will feel anxious, perhaps downcast, and will inevitably experience some difficulties in adapting to the new environment, however carefully they have been prepared for the experience. They may well make tearful phone calls home. It is at this point that parents can help by being supportive, by encouraging students not to give up, by reassuring them that they are sure that the problems can be resolved. An initial feeling of insecurity is part and parcel of living abroad for the first time, and students are likely to emphasise and perhaps exaggerate it, knowing that they have a sympathetic audience. It is very rarely in the student's best long-term interest to suggest to him/her that s/he comes home, and a young person's self-image and confidence can be permanently damaged if s/he feels s/he has 'failed' her year abroad, or if parents seek to take over responsibility for sorting out problems.
- If there are problems that the student cannot resolve alone, encourage him/her to contact the person designated to provide help. This will normally be a member of staff at the home or host university. They are familiar with the problems encountered during residence abroad, and are best equipped to solve them. It is in everyone's interest that the student liaises directly with the designated member of university staff. If parents intervene, it undermines the student, and may at worst antagonise the people in whose hands the solution lies. In any case, as previously mentioned, parental involvement has no legal status and universities may legitimately refuse to deal with anyone other than the student concerned. There is generally no point in contacting other persons within the university: they will simply pass the problem back to the responsible department.
To summarise: however much you may be tempted to intervene on your son's or daughter's behalf, it is far better to assure them of your support, help them to solve problems by themselves, and to leave any discussion with university staff to them.